I quit

Austria has always been my beginning and my backdrop. It’s the place where my name sounds right, where the bread tastes like home, where the rhythm of the season is so familiar I barely notice it anymore. I’ve built a good life here. A safe one. But lately, it has started to feel like I’m sleepwalking through it.

For the past seven years, I’ve worked as a recruiter at an agency. Before this job, a worked at at a headhunting firm that drained me. One day, behind the popcorn counter at the movie theater - my “side job” while I begged for full-time hours - wondering how I’d ended up there after spending 4 years earning a degree (two actually).

There was always a reason not to leave. Rent. Bills. Security. But I’ve never stopped thinking about elsewhere. About the years I spend in the U.S. as an au pair - there was a freedom to that time, something I haven’t felt in years.

Those memories have been knocking louder lately.

So here I am - my resignation is typed. My lease is ending. And still I hesitate. I wonder if I’m making a mistake - leaving a life so many would be grateful for. But then I imagine myself ten years from now, still here, still wondering what if. And suddenly, the risk of staying feels heavier that the risk of going.

Austria will always be my home. But for the first time in a long time, I’m allowing myself to believe it doesn’t have to be my whole story.